I've lost 7kilos in ONE week.

64kg dropped till 57kg.
I've been losing my appetite lately.

Tonight is my Silat team's celebration after the 4th IG.
There is gonna be a FOOD FEAST for sure.
I shall gain back my 7kilos by tonight.
Yes i will.
Because i havent had a proper meal since morning.

I want my appetite back.
Because FOOD is a HUGE part of my life.
Tonight, we dine like there's no tomorrow.
Ok friends?
:D

Poly 50 run.
I'll force myself.
I have no choice.
Disappearing at the very last minute is just not me.
Especially when there's no replacement for me.
I have to put the team's spirit as a priority.
Then comes my health.
I should have been at home with an MC since Monday.
But i didn't took it.
Mr. Backache, run with me please.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have my weaknesses.
He has his strength.
Tell me something i don't know.
Rather than you leave me here with no answer.

What's up with my Monday?
Definitely one of the most terrible Monday i ever had.
The weekends was all packed and busy for me.
Shagged. Aches all over my body. I forced myself to school.
The backache is forever stabbing me from the back.
The heavy head. Torturous.
Monday was supposed to be a much more longer day.
But i gave up, i decided to head home right after lesson.
So there was i, in the train heading back Eunos Mrt.

& what was there to add up to all the miseries i've been through for the day you ask?
Never in my life did i totally forgot about it.
One of the most important dates in my life.
I totally forgotten about it.
I felt so selfish.
All i had in mind was all about myself.
I want my rest, blah3.

I got back really late on Sunday, Mum was asleep.
I left school in the morning, she was having her nap.
I did called mum to ask how she was doing at home when i was still at school.
I didn't really had any ample time spent with her during the weekends.
I missed her. She was fine, she said.

Few minutes later when i was half-way through in the train, mum called again.
"Are you still at school or are you already heading back Granny's
place? You're sick right, don't stay at school too late okay." she asked.
" I'm already heading home. I really need my rest." i replied.
" Did you remember that it's my Birthday today?" she asked.

Jaw dropped. My heart shattered. I really couldn't hide my feelings.
I dropped off & took the opposite train back Woodlands instead.
I couldn't care less of the people looking at me in the train.
I couldn't hold back any of my tears.

I was in a state of terrible shock.
I didn't want to let go of my hug.
Her shoulder was soaked with my tears.
"It's okay. My children is the best gift i ever wished for.
I'm really glad you came by"
I really didn't wished to make her cry on her special day.
I felt terribly bad.

Siblings and i brought mum for dinner.
That's the least we could do for her.
That short period of time spent meant alot to us.

I am really sorry mum.
& i love you so much

Mission Accomplished.
The long wait has ended.
Quarter-Finals. Semi-Finals. & the Final Match.
I fought it through with the undying supports from the people around me.
& i was there at the highest platform of the podium.

The final match was really tough for me.
I was indeed hoping for certain people to be there supporting.
My favourite people.
But they weren't there.
Only Dad & Sis made it to my match.
& how does it feels like being all sucky, hours before the match.
Especially when i was all set waiting to be called next,
i was still thinking and hoping for their presence.
It didn't happened.
& they only thing i prayed for was to get all those thoughts out of my head.
I needed to focus in my game.
& the only thing i could do is smile. Even when i stepped into the ring.
"Why should i care about them? It's my game. Perhaps, some of them don't give a heck about me now even."
Those things kept popping out it my mind, but i kept telling myself that they weren't true.
My phone beeps continuously but they were wishes from random and unexpecting people.
The ones that i was hoping for never did.

*Gedebak! Gedebush! Gedebang*
(Fighting in the ring)

After the match, i asked dad how did i do.
He said, " You are still having your backache right? All i saw was you fighting with ur own pain rather. "
Yes, dad was right.
Dad wants me to have a long break for months in order to recover from my backache.
He's really worried that it's gonna be a permanent injury.
& i'll visit the doctor for an x-ray soon if i really can't take it anymore.

On a brighter note, i finally did it.
I ended everything wonderfully for the team.
For everyone who was there cheering for me all the way.
I'm really glad that i didn't disappoint them.


All of a sudden, the huge victory i was waiting for 2 years
FELT LIKE NOTHING somehow.
I don't know why.

Soft. Spongy. Fragile.

But still, many people love it.
That's how i shall describe my life currently.

( i know, no link right? I simply don't know how to start my post. Lol xD)

There are simply so many things that's happening around me.
Things that make me feel so high up there.
Enjoying every second of it.
& Things that i definitely hate to even think about it.
Unfortunate things.
That's a normal life isn't it?
Just follow the flow of life.

Sometimes i wonder what does it mean being Independent.
How would you describe An Independent Man?
Able to uphold his responsibilities on his own?
Am i that kind of person?

& then it's the part where i have to make Decisions.
Making decision is very crutial in everything that we do.
Especially those tough ones.
& that's also the part where many of us don't feel like making decision.
Instead, we run away from them.
Does that make us an irresponsible person?
Sometimes making an important decision takes a lot of time for me.
I have to observe.
I have to reconsider alot of things around me.
"What if..." is the usual question that pops up in mind.

There are a million things that i wanna say.
Expressing out my feelings.
Confessions.
But i've always put in a second thought to it.
Before it might hurt others.
Before it changes every single impression of yours towards me.
Before every single thing that i hoped for vanished in seconds.

Risk is the word.
I don't know what she has in her mind.
I don't know what he has in his mind.
I don't know what they have in their minds.
& we all don't know what we all have in our minds.
Only God Knows.

& that is why i think it's a huge responsibility for me to
make a very wise decision.
It's a matter of Time.
:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~On a second note, my finals in confirmed to be this Sunday.
& i have mixed emotions to it.
Nervous. Anxious. Scared. Proud. Worried. Happy.
I'm really glad that i've finally reached the Finals.
Not that i've been going through tough stages before this.
But at least i'm a step further from the previous competition.
I was just told that i'll be the last one in team who will be fighting.
The other 3 kids are having their finals tomorrow.

My backache is the biggest obstacle that i'm facing all the while.
It has been killing me for a month plus.
Is not getting any better. It's getting worse instead.
Now that's the HUGE pain that i've got to bare with.

Last man standing.
Some say i've been more like a strong backbone to the team.
That has surely put alot more pressure on me.
I'll put in my very best to end the team's war during my last battle.
We shall end it all with a glorious finish.
Insya'Allah.
Pray for my victory and health people.
Thank you~
:)

C. Daughtry's attempt on Poker face.

School has been really very bloody slack this week.
I'll take back my words, saying that last week was the slackiest week in poly life so far.
Because i think this week is way much more slackier than ever!
Lessons Cancelled.
Lessons shortened.
No proper lessons taught.
Because all we did was talk crap and chilled in class.
Together with the lecturer.
Yes, school IS gerek this week.
xD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That feeling.
That little feeling that's starting to grow.
Growing larger and fonder.
I like that feeling.
I love it.
& I hope everything that's happening is real.
I hope it gets better.

We've got nothing to rush for.
Do we?
We'll take things slow and enjoy every moment we have alright?
We shall smile along together.
;)

Meanwhile, you better get well soon okay.
Puffy Eyes + Red Nose = Hotter than Megan Fox?
& i know you've been reading all my rants here all this while.
I'm fine with it
:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pictures Grabbed for my Friendster account since its dead already:

^The Kid in Me

^Those times when we were active playing street soccer right after school.


^Having fun as usual.

^As i grew up, i started having interest with climbing around and making a fool of myself.


^ Hari Raya was never a boring one for me.


^ & then the soft side of me started to grow.

^ & i enjoyed entertaining people around me. Just to see them smile.


^Is that how i'm gonna look like when i grow old?...


However, one thing for sure. The 2 most prominent aspects of my life that has never changed since i was small were...
^Eat like there's no tomorrow...

^ & sleep while you can..



Flashbacks make me smile...
:)

Sometimes i wonder, why?

Sometimes i asked myself, how is it now?
Sometimes i thinking again & again, what am i supposed to do?
It's all about having lots of doubts.
Uncertainty.
Worriment.

The close ones may say all those encouraging words.
Their assurance that could make me feel comfortable and confident.
To them i did my part well enough.

However, i still don't feel so.
Something simply doesn't feel right.
I'm not gonna push things hard.
Neither can i sit back and do nothing.

I'll just let myself hanging.
Keep holding on...
As you said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am through to the Finals.
But i'm really disappointed with my performance during the semi-finals.
So nothing to be happy about too much.
Until i get to stand on the highest step of that podium.
Last lap.

Nothing is perfect for sure.
& i've learnt to be more realistic in life.
I can't expect everything to go just as how i hoped for.
Despite of the down part of life, i shall never stop praying to God.
Pray for the best to happen tomorrow hopefully.
& when it does, be thankful.

I really don't wish to make everything difficult for you.
I'm putting aside my feelings and selfishness.
& allow myself to at least understand your position.
It's you that i'm more concerned. I know it ain't easy.
& I don't wish to make it even worse for you, due to my presence.
I am not giving up. Neither am i complaining.
I am negotiating with myself rather.
For your smile.
For you~
:)


The last minute plannings and efforts together with a bunch of new friends.
Her Friends, rather.
It turned out just the way we all wished for.
Putting aside all the negative part that i had to go through.
Every effort was really worth it.
Because in the end, we all get to see that smile on her face.
:)



& then it's back to reality again.
Semi Finals this Sunday.
A part of me have a feeling that it ain't going to be an easy one.
The other part keeps reminding me how deep it means to me.
To everyone that's supporting around me.
I won't let it end here just like that.
I want that Gold Medal.

*rock on brother!*

Done.
Wonderfully Done.

Worth every effort that i've put in.
I really hope you like it.
Specially-made Gift.
;)


Butterflies. Stars. Roses.
It glows in the dark to keep you accompanied at night.

You were speechless.
You don't have to say anything.
Just smile.
The smile that makes me speechless instead.

And yes, keep smiling.
Because i'm smiling too.
:)

Last week was really tough for me.
Shit happens.
You flush it away.
Thanks for the concerns guys.
:)
The Cold, Rainy & Wet Sunday was spent with these 2 dudes & my brother.
Asked them along for the friendly soccer match, playing for GCW Hotel.
Really wasn't easy at all right guys? Plus the bad weather.
But we enjoyed it very much for sure!
:D


1st MST paper i sat for last Monday.
1st result that's out so far.
Good start.
But i got the feeling that this is the only paper i performed well.
xD

Now this is the part where i really feel that Home isn't Home anymore.
This is the part where i Hate to come back home.
Having to witness all the Bullshits that's going on in the house.
Having to listen all the Nonsense.
I am the kind of person who just keeps quiet and observe things around me.
& a young adult like me is no longer immature to understand things.
I can't say who's right or wrong.
Because to me every is wrong.
But i just can't voice out.
& i never will.

The only reason i want to come back home is because of My Lovely Sister.
She's going through the phase of life that i just had last year.
She needs my support.
I know she does. Definitely.
& that's the reason why i only miss her the most in the family.

& how i wish i'm at the east side of Singapore.
Feeling all peaceful every morning i wake up.
To be able to see my grandmother's face every morning.
& knowing that life at my second home is way much calm.

But still, where i am right now.
Somewhere i have to call HOME.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How would you feel if you are typing this post with
your fingers trembling on your keyboard.
& you are crying like a small kid.
With mixed emotions.
Fear. Disappointment. Sorrowness. Anger.


I want my HOME back please.
Please.
;(

I've lost 7kilos in ONE week.

64kg dropped till 57kg.
I've been losing my appetite lately.

Tonight is my Silat team's celebration after the 4th IG.
There is gonna be a FOOD FEAST for sure.
I shall gain back my 7kilos by tonight.
Yes i will.
Because i havent had a proper meal since morning.

I want my appetite back.
Because FOOD is a HUGE part of my life.
Tonight, we dine like there's no tomorrow.
Ok friends?
:D

Poly 50 run.
I'll force myself.
I have no choice.
Disappearing at the very last minute is just not me.
Especially when there's no replacement for me.
I have to put the team's spirit as a priority.
Then comes my health.
I should have been at home with an MC since Monday.
But i didn't took it.
Mr. Backache, run with me please.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have my weaknesses.
He has his strength.
Tell me something i don't know.
Rather than you leave me here with no answer.

What's up with my Monday?
Definitely one of the most terrible Monday i ever had.
The weekends was all packed and busy for me.
Shagged. Aches all over my body. I forced myself to school.
The backache is forever stabbing me from the back.
The heavy head. Torturous.
Monday was supposed to be a much more longer day.
But i gave up, i decided to head home right after lesson.
So there was i, in the train heading back Eunos Mrt.

& what was there to add up to all the miseries i've been through for the day you ask?
Never in my life did i totally forgot about it.
One of the most important dates in my life.
I totally forgotten about it.
I felt so selfish.
All i had in mind was all about myself.
I want my rest, blah3.

I got back really late on Sunday, Mum was asleep.
I left school in the morning, she was having her nap.
I did called mum to ask how she was doing at home when i was still at school.
I didn't really had any ample time spent with her during the weekends.
I missed her. She was fine, she said.

Few minutes later when i was half-way through in the train, mum called again.
"Are you still at school or are you already heading back Granny's
place? You're sick right, don't stay at school too late okay." she asked.
" I'm already heading home. I really need my rest." i replied.
" Did you remember that it's my Birthday today?" she asked.

Jaw dropped. My heart shattered. I really couldn't hide my feelings.
I dropped off & took the opposite train back Woodlands instead.
I couldn't care less of the people looking at me in the train.
I couldn't hold back any of my tears.

I was in a state of terrible shock.
I didn't want to let go of my hug.
Her shoulder was soaked with my tears.
"It's okay. My children is the best gift i ever wished for.
I'm really glad you came by"
I really didn't wished to make her cry on her special day.
I felt terribly bad.

Siblings and i brought mum for dinner.
That's the least we could do for her.
That short period of time spent meant alot to us.

I am really sorry mum.
& i love you so much

Mission Accomplished.
The long wait has ended.
Quarter-Finals. Semi-Finals. & the Final Match.
I fought it through with the undying supports from the people around me.
& i was there at the highest platform of the podium.

The final match was really tough for me.
I was indeed hoping for certain people to be there supporting.
My favourite people.
But they weren't there.
Only Dad & Sis made it to my match.
& how does it feels like being all sucky, hours before the match.
Especially when i was all set waiting to be called next,
i was still thinking and hoping for their presence.
It didn't happened.
& they only thing i prayed for was to get all those thoughts out of my head.
I needed to focus in my game.
& the only thing i could do is smile. Even when i stepped into the ring.
"Why should i care about them? It's my game. Perhaps, some of them don't give a heck about me now even."
Those things kept popping out it my mind, but i kept telling myself that they weren't true.
My phone beeps continuously but they were wishes from random and unexpecting people.
The ones that i was hoping for never did.

*Gedebak! Gedebush! Gedebang*
(Fighting in the ring)

After the match, i asked dad how did i do.
He said, " You are still having your backache right? All i saw was you fighting with ur own pain rather. "
Yes, dad was right.
Dad wants me to have a long break for months in order to recover from my backache.
He's really worried that it's gonna be a permanent injury.
& i'll visit the doctor for an x-ray soon if i really can't take it anymore.

On a brighter note, i finally did it.
I ended everything wonderfully for the team.
For everyone who was there cheering for me all the way.
I'm really glad that i didn't disappoint them.


All of a sudden, the huge victory i was waiting for 2 years
FELT LIKE NOTHING somehow.
I don't know why.

Soft. Spongy. Fragile.

But still, many people love it.
That's how i shall describe my life currently.

( i know, no link right? I simply don't know how to start my post. Lol xD)

There are simply so many things that's happening around me.
Things that make me feel so high up there.
Enjoying every second of it.
& Things that i definitely hate to even think about it.
Unfortunate things.
That's a normal life isn't it?
Just follow the flow of life.

Sometimes i wonder what does it mean being Independent.
How would you describe An Independent Man?
Able to uphold his responsibilities on his own?
Am i that kind of person?

& then it's the part where i have to make Decisions.
Making decision is very crutial in everything that we do.
Especially those tough ones.
& that's also the part where many of us don't feel like making decision.
Instead, we run away from them.
Does that make us an irresponsible person?
Sometimes making an important decision takes a lot of time for me.
I have to observe.
I have to reconsider alot of things around me.
"What if..." is the usual question that pops up in mind.

There are a million things that i wanna say.
Expressing out my feelings.
Confessions.
But i've always put in a second thought to it.
Before it might hurt others.
Before it changes every single impression of yours towards me.
Before every single thing that i hoped for vanished in seconds.

Risk is the word.
I don't know what she has in her mind.
I don't know what he has in his mind.
I don't know what they have in their minds.
& we all don't know what we all have in our minds.
Only God Knows.

& that is why i think it's a huge responsibility for me to
make a very wise decision.
It's a matter of Time.
:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~On a second note, my finals in confirmed to be this Sunday.
& i have mixed emotions to it.
Nervous. Anxious. Scared. Proud. Worried. Happy.
I'm really glad that i've finally reached the Finals.
Not that i've been going through tough stages before this.
But at least i'm a step further from the previous competition.
I was just told that i'll be the last one in team who will be fighting.
The other 3 kids are having their finals tomorrow.

My backache is the biggest obstacle that i'm facing all the while.
It has been killing me for a month plus.
Is not getting any better. It's getting worse instead.
Now that's the HUGE pain that i've got to bare with.

Last man standing.
Some say i've been more like a strong backbone to the team.
That has surely put alot more pressure on me.
I'll put in my very best to end the team's war during my last battle.
We shall end it all with a glorious finish.
Insya'Allah.
Pray for my victory and health people.
Thank you~
:)

C. Daughtry's attempt on Poker face.

School has been really very bloody slack this week.
I'll take back my words, saying that last week was the slackiest week in poly life so far.
Because i think this week is way much more slackier than ever!
Lessons Cancelled.
Lessons shortened.
No proper lessons taught.
Because all we did was talk crap and chilled in class.
Together with the lecturer.
Yes, school IS gerek this week.
xD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That feeling.
That little feeling that's starting to grow.
Growing larger and fonder.
I like that feeling.
I love it.
& I hope everything that's happening is real.
I hope it gets better.

We've got nothing to rush for.
Do we?
We'll take things slow and enjoy every moment we have alright?
We shall smile along together.
;)

Meanwhile, you better get well soon okay.
Puffy Eyes + Red Nose = Hotter than Megan Fox?
& i know you've been reading all my rants here all this while.
I'm fine with it
:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pictures Grabbed for my Friendster account since its dead already:

^The Kid in Me

^Those times when we were active playing street soccer right after school.


^Having fun as usual.

^As i grew up, i started having interest with climbing around and making a fool of myself.


^ Hari Raya was never a boring one for me.


^ & then the soft side of me started to grow.

^ & i enjoyed entertaining people around me. Just to see them smile.


^Is that how i'm gonna look like when i grow old?...


However, one thing for sure. The 2 most prominent aspects of my life that has never changed since i was small were...
^Eat like there's no tomorrow...

^ & sleep while you can..



Flashbacks make me smile...
:)

Sometimes i wonder, why?

Sometimes i asked myself, how is it now?
Sometimes i thinking again & again, what am i supposed to do?
It's all about having lots of doubts.
Uncertainty.
Worriment.

The close ones may say all those encouraging words.
Their assurance that could make me feel comfortable and confident.
To them i did my part well enough.

However, i still don't feel so.
Something simply doesn't feel right.
I'm not gonna push things hard.
Neither can i sit back and do nothing.

I'll just let myself hanging.
Keep holding on...
As you said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am through to the Finals.
But i'm really disappointed with my performance during the semi-finals.
So nothing to be happy about too much.
Until i get to stand on the highest step of that podium.
Last lap.

Nothing is perfect for sure.
& i've learnt to be more realistic in life.
I can't expect everything to go just as how i hoped for.
Despite of the down part of life, i shall never stop praying to God.
Pray for the best to happen tomorrow hopefully.
& when it does, be thankful.

I really don't wish to make everything difficult for you.
I'm putting aside my feelings and selfishness.
& allow myself to at least understand your position.
It's you that i'm more concerned. I know it ain't easy.
& I don't wish to make it even worse for you, due to my presence.
I am not giving up. Neither am i complaining.
I am negotiating with myself rather.
For your smile.
For you~
:)


The last minute plannings and efforts together with a bunch of new friends.
Her Friends, rather.
It turned out just the way we all wished for.
Putting aside all the negative part that i had to go through.
Every effort was really worth it.
Because in the end, we all get to see that smile on her face.
:)



& then it's back to reality again.
Semi Finals this Sunday.
A part of me have a feeling that it ain't going to be an easy one.
The other part keeps reminding me how deep it means to me.
To everyone that's supporting around me.
I won't let it end here just like that.
I want that Gold Medal.

*rock on brother!*

Done.
Wonderfully Done.

Worth every effort that i've put in.
I really hope you like it.
Specially-made Gift.
;)


Butterflies. Stars. Roses.
It glows in the dark to keep you accompanied at night.

You were speechless.
You don't have to say anything.
Just smile.
The smile that makes me speechless instead.

And yes, keep smiling.
Because i'm smiling too.
:)

Last week was really tough for me.
Shit happens.
You flush it away.
Thanks for the concerns guys.
:)
The Cold, Rainy & Wet Sunday was spent with these 2 dudes & my brother.
Asked them along for the friendly soccer match, playing for GCW Hotel.
Really wasn't easy at all right guys? Plus the bad weather.
But we enjoyed it very much for sure!
:D


1st MST paper i sat for last Monday.
1st result that's out so far.
Good start.
But i got the feeling that this is the only paper i performed well.
xD

Now this is the part where i really feel that Home isn't Home anymore.
This is the part where i Hate to come back home.
Having to witness all the Bullshits that's going on in the house.
Having to listen all the Nonsense.
I am the kind of person who just keeps quiet and observe things around me.
& a young adult like me is no longer immature to understand things.
I can't say who's right or wrong.
Because to me every is wrong.
But i just can't voice out.
& i never will.

The only reason i want to come back home is because of My Lovely Sister.
She's going through the phase of life that i just had last year.
She needs my support.
I know she does. Definitely.
& that's the reason why i only miss her the most in the family.

& how i wish i'm at the east side of Singapore.
Feeling all peaceful every morning i wake up.
To be able to see my grandmother's face every morning.
& knowing that life at my second home is way much calm.

But still, where i am right now.
Somewhere i have to call HOME.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How would you feel if you are typing this post with
your fingers trembling on your keyboard.
& you are crying like a small kid.
With mixed emotions.
Fear. Disappointment. Sorrowness. Anger.


I want my HOME back please.
Please.
;(